This year I won’t wish you good health. Nor will I wish you love, nor money. This year I will wish you something greater than that. The very essence that lies behind each of those wishes. I will wish you a long-forgotten, stigmatised, disparaged feeling. An essential need of human nature which is marked as a blind alley on the map of our human paths although it is the only one leading us to the desired place.
A whole new world is born when pelvises hit against each other. And then, just as the second hand on the clock stops for a brief moment at each number before it moves to the next one, so does my own, plunging deep into your chambers while that second seems to be like a century of sweet passion. Then the world as we know it becomes bigger by one new consciousness. One merges into two, the singular into the plural, me into we. And then, with embraces that signify consent, all those sweet taboos assume a meaning.
If you are sleeping, I’d like you to wake up with a start. If you are walking, to trip over a completely flat surface. If you are chewing, to choke on the sweetest mouthful that goes down the wrong way. If you are feeling hot, to find yourself breaking out in a cold sweat. If you are on the verge of making a decision, to doubt it. If you feel truly happy, to call into question how long it is going to last.
We have all had scratches on different parts of our bodies, and everybody licks their broken skin using their own personally devised magic words. Some people do it by whispering, some by whining, but everybody nurses it the best way they can and know how to wishing only one thing. To make it heal. Or at least to make its edges turn into crust so that they can assuage their fears that, finally, things are getting better. Every scratch has its Name, Surname and date of birth. As if it were some kind of register number in the cosmic archives of pain. What hardly anyone ever knows is whether that gaping hole in the heart muscle has its – expiration date.
We are all familiar with the saying “Your life is shaped by your thoughts”. Only a few words, but they speak volumes. And everyone agrees with this saying. In principle. Because when we feel it – it sounds true. But when we try to analyse it – it sounds painful.
Give me your hand. Let’s go together to a place that you feel exists, but think nobody is crazy enough to go there with you. Let’s go to a place that is familiar to both of us in terms of its geographic position, its coordinates on the map and altitude. Let’s go together where we used to go to a long time ago. To that place of ours that our minds may have forgotten about, but our souls still remember.
The only person you were born with and who you are going to die with, the one you go to sleep with every night and the one you wake up with every morning, the one you can never escape from or hide away from anywhere – is you. People tend to forget that very fact most frequently. They refuse to understand that their mind, body and spirit are the only home they will ever live in and for some reason best known to themselves, they decide to spend their lives like tenants… Instead of seeing their own reflection in the mirror clearly, they search for a skewed one in other people’s pupils of the eye, thinking it is more beautiful.
No love has ever been wrong, there are only people who would call anything love. No heart remains broken for ever, there is only a heart that won’t heal. There is no such thing as two distant souls, there are just two people who have made the decision to distance themselves from each other.
It all started when, in some state of fantasy, I thought I could do a lot because I was strong. It started the day when I convinced myself that, to achieve success, it is enough to have the strength to fight for it. Since strength can cloud your consciousness, I thought you should fight for what you wanted. I set out on a quest for winning my own better future so confidently, not knowing then that in battles the stupid were hit by arrows first and those from the infantry the fastest.
This hasn’t been the best year. To any of us. I am not saying this because I am a pessimist, on the contrary. I am saying this because I believe that better years are yet to come.
In the new year I wish you embraces that are not going to leave wounds on your skin but goosebumps, promises that are not going to remain dormant but become part of reality. I wish you to let go a bit more and worry a little less. Dream of someone so often and so intensely until you wake up next to that person, and if you already have someone you wake up next to, then I wish you to continue sharing the same dreams in the future.
