Nowadays, when it is more important to have than to be, when your worth is measured by how much you manage to acquire, not by how much you can give, when only what is expensive is beautiful, and not what is valuable, when we take care of money, not people, real love has become elusive, imperceptible, even unimportant. It seems that it is unsustainable, unless it is sustained by credit cards, it dies of starvation unless it is fed in expensive restaurants, it comes late unless it is chauffeur-driven in luxury cars, it does not sleep peacefully unless it keeps cash hidden under the mattress.
People
I had an opportunity to work as a wedding photographer. On average, it happens that every third bride is not pregnant. Those who happen to be pregnant almost invariably have an awful time of it. First their feet get swollen in high heels, then they have swollen joints wearing flats, their corset is too tight, the smell of incense makes them feel sick in the church, they struggle with long dresses… During that ordeal-like ceremony that lasts a whole day, even those who are not pregnant do not have a particularly good time. They kiss who they would not otherwise, smile at those they would rather slap, dance when they would rather sit, are photographed when they would rather hit me with their bridal bouquet.
As with most other people, life has not caressed me. But people have. And they did it so well. Sometimes with their eyes, sometimes with their words of comfort, sometimes through touch, but always sincerely. They would appear as if on command at the most critical moments. And how healing, spontaneous, those caresses were, not asking for anything in return while giving their all.
It is still deeply ingrained in the male psyche to divide women into several categories: mothers, sisters, wives and Others. Priorities are set in their minds almost in the same order. The truth is, women should not be categorised, just loved.
Some men still stick to the rule, particularly during their dating period, that the other women are divided into those for “those things” and the ones to stand in front of a lighted candle on their patron saint’s day. In translation, that means they divide them into those for sex and the ones they can bring home to meet their mothers.
Being in love is an acute, euphoric state of mind that is characterised by a changed perception of reality, mixed-up priorities and unfounded optimism of an individual. It is most frequently cured by banging your head against the wall, by breaking your heart and rubbing reality onto the patient’s nose. To those being in love, that is to say, to the sick, the difference between love and being in love should be explained as early as possible, to prevent the sickness from spreading like wildfire.
There comes a day when, although we forever remain children in the eyes of our parents, but through some destined role reversal, we become parents to our own parents. At first it sounds bizarre to both sides. Both to parents, who always see us as young, and to children who always hold their parents responsible for everything.
I do not think I am a pessimist. I consider myself more of a sworn optimist with a realist inside. That realist comes to the fore when I look around and see the way we act, the way we hate, raise our children, treat nature and I think… We are fucked. And then, out of nowhere, an optimist from the inside snarles out and makes me say this aloud to myself – Love will save us all.
We have started to use the word Friend so casually, and I have a feeling we do not even understand it properly. We misuse it. We use it when flattering, calculating, kissing up to someone, bribing. We have started to downgrade it, stroke people’s egos with it, rub their low self-esteem the wrong way, stretch their shaky confidence to bursting point. And the word, baffled, still unaware of having been transformed from a cure into a weapon, screams silently and calls for old times.
I am a child of divorced parents. And an only child. Unfortunately. It was a sad marriage of two happy people. It was a family with a limp before it even started to walk. That family of mine was resuscitated by defibrillators from the state of coma and clinical death several times. Then, even more ill than before, it would continue to exist riddled with all sorts of malignant tumours. It suffered from distrust, vanity, poor communication, fear, stupidity, other people’s advice, personal insecurities and big expectations.