The only person you were born with and who you are going to die with, the one you go to sleep with every night and the one you wake up with every morning, the one you can never escape from or hide away from anywhere – is you. People tend to forget that very fact most frequently. They refuse to understand that their mind, body and spirit are the only home they will ever live in and for some reason best known to themselves, they decide to spend their lives like tenants… Instead of seeing their own reflection in the mirror clearly, they search for a skewed one in other people’s pupils of the eye, thinking it is more beautiful.
They worry what others will think of them because they usually want approval, whether they’ll be seen in a good light because they want it to be in the best possible light, whether others will understand them, as they wish to avoid being misunderstood. When we tune in our own lives to other people’s frequencies, when we foil our own efforts in order to fulfil other people’s expectations, the only thing we do is empty ourselves of happiness.
Not letting other people’s demands shape your life does not mean being selfish. It means being capable of living attuned to your selfhood and happiness. Expecting others to live by our demands is selfishness. That is why it is always important to pay attention to where those poisonous arrows of expectations are coming from, because the bow aimed at the target’s centre and self-centredness come from the same direction.
There is nothing wrong in wishing to be accepted by others, but there is something wrong in presenting ourselves the way they want to see you, and not the way we truly are. There is nothing wrong, either, in wishing to present ourselves in the best light, but only if we know it is our genuine light, not some fake glow. There is nothing wrong in wishing to avoid being misunderstood, until we start saying what we do not think just to be liked by others.
Our mind, body and spirit are our home that anyone can enter, sleep in and be a guest in if they want to. They can enter, leave, return or leave for good. Our mind, body and spirit are not someone else’s apartment that we have to adjust to, ask for permission to paint it, take care we do not make a noise, and pay the rent on top of that. Getting closer to other people does not mean moving away from yourself, on the contrary – it means touching someone else’s soul with your soul. Only then do we realise they are made from the same fabric torn in small pieces. That, even though not all people, ALL souls give warmth, a hug, tuck you in and restore peaceful sleep.
I allow you to be part of my life and drink all the mead toasting each other, but I will not allow you to suck my blood. I allow you to sit at my dining table to dig into some cold cuts and all the other delicacies together, but I will not allow you to breathe down my neck. I allow you to enter my inner peace and sleep in it together in the most comfortable bed, but I will not allow you to be my insomnia.
In my world, there is a place for everyone coming with the idea to share and not take. Even if they are coming with suitcases full of suffering, sadness and fear. Because there will definitely be less of them when shared than when multiplied. You can ask me for anything but do not expect it. Because I give what I have but I do not fulfil your wishes. I am here to fill your life with happiness, if you will let me, but not to fulfil your expectations. If that means happiness for you, then you are not someone striving for satisfaction but seeking gratification. Of your own needs and desires. And there is no room for myself there, nor for anyone else, for that matter.
Translated from the Serbian by Svetlana Milivojević-Petrović
This post is also available in: Serbian