There isn’t a person on this planet who doesn’t have his or her ex. Ex-relationships, ex-friendships, ex-jobs, ex-cities. The main difference between ex-people and those who will always exist in our lives is that we ourselves consciously chose all our exes and life conferred upon us people for all times. For example, we did not choose our mother, father, our name, place of birth, but our partners and friends we did for sure, consciously, with sobriety and responsibility, and that is why they have been and will always be a reflection of ourselves.
Ex-relationships, be they love or friendship, are our mirrors. Everybody always chooses a person worthy of themselves. Neither more nor less than that. That is why you should be extra careful which words leave your mouth first when you are about to blurt out something about your exes because what you say about them has more to do with you than them. Those ex-people were your conscious choices, so every bad word about them is actually a bad word about who you are (used to be).
Therefore, say only the best about your exes.
As long as hatred, bitterness and pain persist after those past relationships, you still have not got over them. They still dwell in you with the same kind of intensity you felt when you had them and when you loved them, but you do not want to admit to yourself that kind of humiliating truth. If they are now just some names and surnames that arouse no feelings, know that you are on the right path towards your final destination, and that is serenity. On the day when you hear their name, or your eyes meet, or the sound of their voice make you feel gratitude for their being an important part of your life during one period, for learning something through that relationship and becoming a better version of yourself, when you become grateful for all the tears shed for their sake because they taught you, toughened you and chiseled you to be who you are today, that will be the moment when your hurt ego has healed from the major illness of unhappy souls. From the past.
They have become exes for various reasons, maybe in most cases because you gave all of yourself to them but it was not good enough. Not because it was not enough for them, but maybe because they did not know what to do with all you gave them. After all, it is not so important why they are exes, but why they were ever loved and only. And the reason is only one – they were exactly the same as they are today, but that was good enough back then.
You do not have to love them, you do not have to glorify them, you do not have to stay friends with them, or even stay in touch. It is enough to get rid of those negative feelings that lingered on after that past relationship, because no future person should deal with either the muck that the exes left in you or the scars they left on you. There’s nothing wrong in forgiveness. On the contrary. Only by forgiving can you experience true freedom and love. If for no other reason, forgive them for your own sake.
I feel truly grateful to my former friends and relationships. If it did not work out between us, I hope that out there, there are some good people and that it will work out with them. They trained my heart, so it can love harder now, they tested my tolerance so I have more understanding towards people now, they smashed my immature complacency, so I have mature self-confidence now, they disassembled me into pieces so that I would be able to say today that I have assembled a better me than I used to be back then.
Translated from the Serbian by Svetlana Milivojević-Petrović
This post is also available in: Serbian